Want to learn more about couples counselling in Langford, BC?

Who Couples Counselling is for

Partners come to couples counselling for a variety of reasons. To break conflict patterns, rekindle emotional intimacy, start having sex again, heal after infidelity, or other breaches of trust, and navigate life transitions, such as new parenthood, becoming empty nesters, loss of a parent or child, or retirement.

Counselling is for people of all genders, sexualities, races, religions, and abilities. Couples therapy can offer space to unpack gender roles, cultural attitudes, and internalized oppressive beliefs that are impacting your relationship.

Couples counselling is also for partners in other types of relationship structures, including co-parenting, consensual non-monogamy, polyamory, and more.

Now that you know who couples counselling if for, let’s explore how couples therapy can transform your relationship.

How It Works

In couples therapy, the couple’s relationship is considered the client. Therefore, the focus is on improving the couple as a unit. With that being said, it’s important to know that each partner brings their own thoughts, feelings, actions, upbringing, trauma, and beliefs into the relationship. In couples counselling, we ask each partner to take accountability and acknowledge it takes two to tango.

No relationship dynamic is maintained by one individual.

I’ll say that again because it’s so important: no relationship dynamic is maintained by one individual.

While there are many different approaches to couples therapy, most couples counsellors will describe themselves as integrative. This means they pull frameworks and strategies from a variety of approaches, in order to provide individualized treatment.

Here are several popular approaches to couples counselling:

• The Gottman Method
• Emotionally-Focused Counselling (EFT)
• Imago Couples Therapy
• Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT)

Regardless of approach, couples counselling asks both partners to bring their authentic experience of the relationship, as well as their personal vulnerabilities and emotions. This can be intimidating, however, when we are open and vulnerable we increase connection and disrupt conflict cycles.

Yes, vulnerability will have you making love more and fighting less.

This is because vulnerability = safety.

And when we feel safe with our partner, we feel more relaxed and open to connection and intimacy. When we feel safe, we’re also less likely to engage in defences, or survival strategies.

Survival strategies are learned responses to unsafe vulnerability. At one point, we were likely in an unsafe relationship where we couldn’t be our authentic, transparent self. We learned survival strategies to keep us safe.

However, survival strategies aren’t helpful when we’re fighting for our relationship.

A lot of couples counselling is updating past survival strategies, building safety and trust, and healing past hurts.

Another key part of couples counselling is orienting to the positive. Negativity biases are often expressed toward our partners — we remember the time Sandy forgot to pick us up from work, and forget about the time Sandy drove us to the hospital with a broken finger.

Taylor Evans provides couples counselling in Victoria, BC’s Westshore — supporting Langford, Colwood, View Royal, Metchosin, Sooke, Victoria, Saanich, and Esquimalt. To book a free consultation or your first session, visit Taylor’s booking page or email hello@tay-evans.com.